My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
