I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Also, beer. Big fan.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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