dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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