No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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