Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
