Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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