We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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