btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
