and next time when you feel me up, do it right
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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