I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
