i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
