chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
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I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
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I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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