even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
