new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
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Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
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I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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