He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
