I think I won the penis lottery.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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