i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
