nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
