the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
