Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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