If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize