I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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