My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
