So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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