Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
