I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
