God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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