Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My dick has a subreddit
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
