and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
