she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
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could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
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I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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