turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
