Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
