Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
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no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
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You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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