please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
