if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
