Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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