I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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