so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
