Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
