So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
she was so not down for the gang bang
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
