OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
