Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
