I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
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george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
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well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
we should paint friendship bongs
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