since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
