I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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