By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
