Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
