woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
