I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
