I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Welp...herpes.
my sisters under your porch take her home
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
