i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
