I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
