did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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