The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
