My nipple is on Facebook.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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