hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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