She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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