so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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