oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
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