Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
