You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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