I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
