Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
