my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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