were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
