i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
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