how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
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