his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
