so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
