he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
